The legal profession does not understand that yours is not just a high conflict divorce, custody battle or division of property. All legal battles with Cluster Bs are high conflict, but they are not just high conflict because he’s a jerk. You own your truth. You don’t need to spend your time, emotional energy, and your resources having to explain psychopathy or Cluster B disordered men to your attorney. I have first-hand knowledge of the emotional and physical trauma you have been through. Not only have I helped dozens of women in your situation, but I have personal experience divorcing a malignant narcissist as well. You don’t have to be re-traumatized by your attorney who doesn’t just seem to “get it.”
You will never receive validation from the psychopath or narcissist. You should receive validation from your attorney. An attorney unable to give you validation is not going to be a good legal advocate for your situation.
“He Seems Nice and Willing to be Reasonable” or “I Just Can’t Diagnose Him and You Can’t Either”
Ummmm. NO! This attorney doesn’t get it. Cluster Bs don’t seek therapy, and when they do, it’s short-term and usually to deal with their anxiety or depression, and maybe, anger. They’re too cunning and do not have the insight to understand the pathology of their disorder. You know the truth. You will not ever have a clinical diagnosis. You don’t need one. The narcissist/psychopath isn’t “nice.” That is just a mask. Switch attorneys.
Ask Your Attorney What He/She Knows About Cluster B Disordered Men
Attorneys are salespeople, and although they have an ethical obligation to tell you that they have no idea what Cluster B disorders are, not all will. You need to ask them specific questions, such as:
1. Tell me about your legal experience litigating against counsel representing Cluster B disordered men.
2. Tell me what you know about Cluster B disorders, narcissism, psychopathy or sociopathy.
3. Tell me what books you may have read on this subject.
4. Tell me the outcome of your cases.
5. Define the symptoms of PTSD, C-PTSD, and narcissistic victim or abuse syndrome.
If your attorney can’t provide you with solid answers to each of the above, you’ll be spending lots of money teaching them about the disorder, and you will end up switching attorneys. Your role is not to teach them. Your role is to have a solid advocate with the fundamental knowledge of what divorcing a narcissist or psychopath entails. If you’re unmarried, and you’re dealing with custody, your attorney needs to know about custody arrangements with a narcissist or psychopath.
If Your Attorney Recommends Offering a Settlement Agreement or Mediation Immediately, Run
This attorney does not understand that psychopaths, Cluster Bs, or narcissists don’t settle or mediate anything at the beginning. Trust me on this one. Only when they are out of options or money will this become useful. Otherwise, your attorney just doesn’t get it. Whatever you want or agree to, the psychopath will want the opposite. These cases can end up settling, but it takes a lot of work, and it takes a really skilled attorney to coach the opposing counsel and his/her pathological client. It also takes
a lot of winning in court by you, in most cases, so that they will not want to deal with your attorney again in court.
If You Have Children, Co-Parenting or Shared Custody with a Narcissist/Cluster B/Psychopath Will Not Work
I don’t think I have to explain this one. The narcissist or psychopath is incapable of empathy and love, and your children are just leverage and property to them. Furthermore, they will always have other women, since they move on like lightning speed from target to target. On the flip side, please believe me when I say that they do lose interest in spending time with their children when they become bored or interested in the next victim. It has happened in every single case with my clients, and my clients don’t often believe me when I tell them not to worry because this will happen.
The Narcissist/Psychopath is Only Concerned with Winning and Control
These men are notoriously manipulative and only see the world as win/lose. They don’t have the insight to understand that normal people do not think or behave like them. They think they’re being manipulated or used by everyone they encounter. While the rest of the world may see him as a calm and great guy, he is not. A narcissist or psychopath is only about power and control. It happened with you. It will happen with their attorneys. Let the universe sort this one out. Trust me, they will start losing and constantly the victim, they will blame their attorneys (flying monkeys) (and you, but this is a given, and if you hire me, then me, too, but whatever!).
In closing, know that regardless of how bleak it seems now, you will get through this. You will use your beautiful strength and resourcefulness to drive you to your higher purpose. You will fight for justice, and your children. You will know the truth about the Cluster B. You have seen the evil underneath their masks.
In my blogs, I sometimes refer to narcissists as psychopaths or sociopaths. To me, all Cluster Bs, especially, narcissists, are the same as psychopaths and sociopaths. Psychopathy is on a continuum or spectrum. All of them are narcissists. They are all pathological liars, cause significant emotional, physical, and financial harm. Sometimes, they will also cause sexual harm. They have very shallow – if any at all – emotions (except for rage and anxiety – these are their typical states of being), and they are all devoid of moral conscience.
Separation or Divorce from a Cluster B, Psychopath, Narcissist or Sociopath, divorcing a narcissist, psychopaths, covert narcissism, cluster B personality, divorcing a narcissist or psychopath, custody arrangements with a narcissist or psychopath, high conflict divorce, co-parenting custody with a narcissist, narcissist power and control.
If you’re ready to get a divorce, Contact Keithley Law, PLLC, PLLC today by calling (703) 454-5147and schedule an initial consultation in our Fairfax law office with one of our Virginia divorce attorneys. We can walk you through the steps to get the most out of your divorce.