Female Narcissists Exist
At the core of narcissism, psychopathy, and sociopathy (Cluster B disorders) are low/no empathy and no moral conscience. It is not apparent to most people, since we all know at least one or two psychopaths, but to the unfortunate intimate partner of a narcissist, it is very difficult to hide.
The female narcissist is not too different from her male counterpart. I write so often about male narcissists because the numbers are skewed and males make up the majority; however, I believe there is a reason the female narcissist isn’t as common, and it may be the unfortunate stereotype surrounding our gender. When females are selfish and display haughty behavior, most men may think, “She’s a daddy’s girl, she’s just such a diva/princess.” Furthermore, men are less likely to report ongoing physical abuse and may feel shame about admitting there was abuse.
Most often, female narcissists comprise the other Cluster B disorder of borderline personality disorder. Some of the most notorious and famous female narcissists include: Aileen Wuornos, Tammy Faye Baker, Jodi Arias, Kris Jenner, Joan Crawford, and Madonna.
Traits of a Female Narcissist
I’ve represented male clients married to Cluster B-disordered women who pursued a divorce. In my experience, this is what I’ve found to be traits of a female narcissist:
- They are usually very attractive and sexually seductive.
- They may have multiple children from multiple partners.
- They are wealthy but don’t seem to have lucrative careers or commensurate education.
- They seek protective orders and police assistance after baiting their husbands into word salad arguments or without cause. Female psychopaths seem to love contacting the police (like some of their male counterparts).
- They are very jealous of their daughters and have extremely close relationships with their sons. This is not just a case of a “momma’s boy.”
- They also love-bomb/idealize like the male narcissist. The female narcissist will seduce her target very, very quickly, and she will talk about children or marriage almost immediately.
- Like many covert male narcissists, she will withhold sex and give you the silent treatment or stonewall for any/no reason.
- She will use the children as manipulation tools, even though you may be the only one doing the work around the house and providing care for the children.
- Like the male narcissist, she will cheat, and you may never know about it (remember, no moral conscience).
- She will commit financial crimes without remorse and is overly concerned with your financial security.
- Like the male narcissist/psychopath, the female psychopath usually scores high on the psychopathy scale and doesn’t seem to care about breaking laws, and most are capable of killing anyone who exposes her/him, especially, if she/he can get away with the crime.
- She may alienate you from your children (parental alienation).
It’s All About Drama
A female narcissist is also all about drama. Constantly bored, narcissists claim to hate drama, but they are always baiting their partners into fights and no-win power-plays. She will love to cause harm and drama because she loves acting out and seeing you fall apart. All narcissists lie, and this seems to be another hallmark behavior of psychopathy. Their method of communication and confusing and harmful psychological games are some examples of a narcissist’s constant need for excitement. Once you are no longer willing to engage in her drama and you seek to leave your marriage, she will use the legal system and litigation as her new form of entertainment.
The Female Narcissist’s Drama Turns into a High Conflict Divorce
You will be involved in a divorce that most judges label “high conflict divorces.”
Once you decide you can no longer expose your children to the harmful effects of her disorder, and you hang on to the last bit of your sanity, the female narcissist may sense your disengagement and lure you back into the web of deception with her seductive methods, the same ones she used to quickly lure you into marrying her. Once you relapse back into this relationship, these cycles can continue repeatedly. It’s no wonder these are labeled “boomerang relationships.”
Just remember, narcissism and psychopathy are pathological disorders, and I have yet to hear of a narcissist seeking long-term psychological treatment, unless they were court-ordered, and I have yet to seen one case of a narcissist being cured of psychopathy.
A good attorney with a firm understanding of the complexities involved in divorcing a narcissist can help you deal with her pathology in a detached manner. She can help you obtain the best possible outcome in your case by evaluating the facts of your case and providing you with a realistic view of what to expect. Finding an attorney with a high level of empathy is also key because she will be able to validate your experience with the crazy drama-maker and help you keep focused on the important issues without triggering your trauma symptoms.
Are you facing a divorce and do not know where to begin? Keithley Law, PLLC and our Fairfax divorce attorneys can be your trusted guides. Backed by 40+ years of legal experience, we keep your best interests in focus from start to finish. For an initial consultation, call (703) 454-5147 now.